I’ve been afraid of bananas

9.30.20

I’ve been good.


I keep making these paintings, that take a lot of mental stability — really inquiring what challenge means and why I am challenging myself.


That’s very exhausting, but I’m making these produce paintings (produce as in fruit and veg) and it’s a series now, because I have one, two, three, done. No, four done. I have four done, and four is a great number to call it a series, even if that’s all I make. That’s a huge relief because I always feel this weird pressure to create a series when it’s not a series, but I like these four paintings. I cant bust out similar looking paintings, it would feel dishonest, the vibe of the series creates itself and I follow.


Anyhow, I have these four paintings and no one knows about them really except for you and me and I feel like it’s such a safe place for me to be right now, and I love having safe places. It makes me feel like I was meant to be a painter when I make paintings like this — when I test ideas out regarding the idea of making a stronger picture in a sense that it achieves the quiet that I am after.


The latest one is of a banana, well a bunch of bananas (I’ve been afraid of bananas) but when I got my produce share on my first week here there was a bunch of bananas and I told myself you are going to eat the food you are given, cause I don’t like wasting food. And then I started putting it in my oatmeal, I’d cut up half of one and cook it with oats and then I’d eat the other half during the day. Then I was like look, you didn’t explode from eating a fucking banana, so that’s exciting.


Then I started buying more bananas, but I don’t eat them when I don’t eat oatmeal, so anyhow I have this bunch of bananas going bad, but thats not a bad thing either cause we all know where those end up (banana bread). But it it still a bit of bad produce, and these four produce paintings are of broken produce, ‘broken produce paintings’ that’s what I’m calling them, produce that’s changed. Anyhow, the paintings are not massively bigger, but they are two panels put together that make me feel more comfortable about making a bigger painting.

© 2020 Mollie Douthit

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